Category: Dating and Relationships
Right, so, I wasnt really sure whether to put this in "let's talk" or "dating and relationships", so here it is. There are a million plus one topics about finding the right partner, how to keep a good partner, what to do if your relationship is going badly for X and Y reasons, etc. But I want to know if there are any people besides me who are single by choice, and if so, what are your reasons? I've been asked out by several guys (and one girl, but let's not go there), and I've turned them all down for several reasons.
The first is that I don't feel I need or want to be in a committed relationship at this point in my life. The second is that I don't even know what I want from myself and my own life, so as I see it I couldn't possibly be expected to know what I want from a partner. The third is that, despite my apparent laziness, I am a very ambitious person, and I think that having a partner would distract me from my studies and other goals, which is not something I'm willing to allow right now.
Those are just a few of the reasons I have, but I'm rambling. There was a discussion in my sociology of the family class that prompted me to ask: Are there any others around here who are voluntarily single and who are happy with that lifestyle and all that it entails? This doesn't mean that you want to be single forever, at least not necessarily, just that right now, or at some point in your life if you've already passed it, being in a committed relationship isn't part of your agenda.
I'm volentarely single because it would interfear with my drinking and drug habbits, unless the girl was into hard drugs two in which case I don't want her because the risk of hep c and aids is to high.
This is a very interesting question and it would be interesting to see the responses from the people who choose to be single.
But i would like to add a bit more to the discussion.
When i arrived in England i learned a new frase which was unknown to me before. This expression is called seing people. I don't know if this is the same in the USA but in England it means that two people might do phisical stuff without commitment. I personally don't agree with this activity but it's only me lol.
So i would say there are two types of singles. The singles who are really single without being involved in any phisical stuff and the people who want both to be single but still enjoy sexual activities. So if people don't mind to say it would be good to hear from the singles in which group they are and why.
Personally if i was going to be single i would be totally single not in between lol.
Anyway i said much i think.
Lmfao! Nice double standard there, darlin'. And thank you for your honest response. :P
Well, I'm another person who is voluntarily single. Although I do think it would be nice to be in a relationship at times, I don't want to date or get together with someone just for the sake of being able to say I'm with someone. Plus, I notice that lots of people are pretty easy/quick to show their romantic affection to each other, whether it's thru words or kissing and sometimes eventually to the point of being sexual. But that's just not me; I'm not good with the terms of endearment and don't even say "I love you" as often as I should to my family (even though I do love and care for them), and I wouldn't be comfortable being sexual (until after I'm married) both because of my religious beliefs and because I had went thru stuff as a child. That's not to say that I don't show affection toward those I love/care about; I can but I think it's more in caring more/doing more for them (not sure how to explain that.) I've also been looking at the idea of courting vs dating, and more of the ideas in courting seem to make more sense to me. So for now, I'm single for the reasons mentioned.
Ah, okay, so that last was in response to Jared.
As for Nikos's post, yes, I know lots of people who are in that kind of casual physical relationship. I personally don't see anything wrong with it, but it rarely remains as casual throughout as it was when it started. One or both people involved usually develop more than just a physical attraction, at which point things either become very complicated, or the relationship just shifts and becomes something different. I think it's fine for the people who want that sort of thing, but for me, I'm a very emotional person, so I don't think it'd work very well.
I would like to be with someone and get married eventually, but I'm not in a big hurry for that at present.
Yeah, I got it, sorry, we both must've posted at the same time. *smile*
I am about ready to become voluntary single
I think I should add that I'm not talking about people who are single because they just haven't found anyone they want to be with. Even if you're happy with that, that's not what I mean. I mean people who are single because of careers, personal reasons, because they don't feel they want to share their lives or their space with a partner, and so on.
I spent a long time voluntarily single. Yes, aprt of it was because I couldn't find anyone I wanted to be with, but the other part was simply that I wasn't mature enough to be in a committed relationship.. For the most part, I was SINGLE, i.e. no physical relationships, but at times I broke that and it got messy, but I didn't want to be in a committed relationship because I wasn't mature enough for the commitment it involves. I'm in a serious relationship right now, and even now I'm not sure i'm completely ready, but that's another post entirely.
Kate
I am not volintarily single. I have never been volintarily single. I'm not a desperate pathetic mess, but I do crave relationships, friend, family and partner relationships. I'm not so career or, education or goal oriented that I can see my self becoming volintarily single in the future, but I suppose, as for everyone it is a possibility. I can understand those who might want to take a break from relationships in order to focus on a job, education, career or other life goal, but I think that any one who has given up on relationships forever has some serious abandonment issues or other problems to be worked out. I personally would not be in a purely physical relationship. Yes, sex is fun, sex is fulfilling, but I believe that it is much more so when there is mental and emotional compatibility as well as physical. I understand why someone might be more comfortable with a non-comitted, non-emotional relationship for the sake of sex, but I could never see my self in such a situation. It would wound my heart, conflict my soul and ring me out mentally.
I really love your reasons for deciding to be single. It is best to know ones self first, then to get involved then find out your not finished learning who you are, what you want, and what you wish to do. I personally am of the seeing people type, but that's due to having been through the emotional side of relationships for a long time. Now seeing people isn't all non connection, but it requires much understanding and also sureness within yourself and the person you decide to do this whith. I'm not answering your post correctly, but just loved your reasons so much and the posters statements after yours I posted.
Be happy.
as of the middel of november i became voluntarily single, i broke up with her for my own personal reasons but we are still friends, i've decided to take a year off before dating anybody, i have some unresolved issues from my pass that i'm still dealing with and slowly but surely getting my life back on track, the hardest thing is missing that physical contact but untill i get a few things seteld i will stay singlel. maybe then i'll start look or interacting more with different groups to find a true love that goes both ways, been in enough relationships where it was more one sided, so not giving up, just taking a break.
Hello, I just got out of a relationship. My x girlfriend left me but the whole thing has been not right for a while. This made me see a lot about myself. I personally will not date again because I am lazy, not organized, sarcastic, can not deal with anyone telling me what to do, and not being able to do what I want. When I say do what I want I mean go to a club with my friends, stay up late, and all that. Sometimes people I guess just feel that they need to live there own lives and that is where I am right now.
I like being single, and highly value having my own mental and physical space. I enjoy being in a relationship too, but I prefer not to live with someone, at least for now. I have no moral qualms about carrying on a strictly no-strings physical relationship, but it just seems like too much trouble. I'm so lazy! LOL